What Is The Meaning Of Life?
by My Box Of Crayons
Summary: Axel decides to answer some of the world's most Frequently Asked Questions. Rated mostly for language and a bit of heartless bashing.
1. Prologue

Hey everyone. I am My Box Of Crayons. I've been writing fanfictions for the past four years now, but I decided that I should probably start under a different name, because some of my old writing is sort of atrocious.

Anyways, this is my first ever Kingdom Hearts fic. Don't' ask me why because I'm not even entirely sure. I guess I was too busy with past obsessions that I passed over writing one. Well, NO MORE.

This story is a collaboration of short stories told by Axel, who found himself lucky enough to find an answer to some of life's most puzzling questions. That's all I'm going to say for now…  
Oh, except… I Do Not own Kingdom Hearts Or Any Of The Characters In Said Game… Sadly.

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In life, you are faced with many questions. Most are age-old, like, say "What is the meaning of life?" And to everyone, the answer is the same. "I don't know." But everyone has theories. Some believe that life is meaningless, others that you should just not care. But the more imaginative people are those who believe that everyone is put on this earth for a reason. Be it to complete a task, or to help someone along the way of completing theirs. But that leads to another question. After you complete said task, do you die because you've completed your purpose? Or are you assigned something new?

I'm not one to really say anything on the subject, though. Yes, I am alive and I do wonder what the hell I am doing here, but I'm not heading off to distant corners of every world trying to figure it out. Yet, despite my lack of motivation, I have still managed to find the answers to some of life's hardest and most frequently asked questions.

My name is Axel, and I am the hottest member of Organization XIII. Literally, I'm practically made of fire! Aside from that, these are my stories. If you would like to be educated on the ways of like, you are free to read along. But if you don't care and think that I all my effort to write this up was wasted, you then have permission to press that lovely back button on the top left corner of your browser, then proceed to go suck a fish.

Let me explain how this usually works though, so nobody gets confused. Most of these questions I wasn't even asked. I just end up finding out the answer. It's not how life usually goes, that it just gives you the answer without asking you a question to brood over for a few years. But, I guess that I'm one of the lucky ones… Maybe.

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I know that was short, but I just decided on a simple introduction. The next chapter I post will actually have an answer to a question. One that has puzzled the minds of people everywhere, one that had no definite answer... Until Now. -cue dramatic 'dun dun duuunnnnnn!~' music here-

Coming up next chapter; Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


	2. Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

My Box Of Crayons, reporting for duty!  
This is the first official chapter of the story, and it is Axel's first official answered question about life. I'll keep the introduction short as to not bore you away.

I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's characters, despite how many times I put them on my Birthday and Christmas lists.

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My first encounter with answering life's questions just so happened to be an accident. Weird, yes, but handy.

It started as I was on a mission, touring the most sweltering desert known in Agrabah. The heat was so intense that even the locals were hiding away in their homes, probably chilling out in the little puddles they called bathtubs. Lucky bastards actually get water… It just so happened that even I, a fire wielder, was having trouble keeping my cool in this desert.

Why was I in such a terrible place, you ask? Actually, I was trailing a heartless that had taken over the Genie's body. He was walking, his feet dragging from exhaustion, right into the middle of the desert. And guess what? Going farther in, it got hotter. What was it doing, walking all the way out into the middle of nowhere? That was my mission. I was supposed to find out. Did I want to? Hell no. But, I couldn't exactly disobey a direct order from Xemnas himself.

He usually saves the painstakingly terrible missions for the members who have annoyed him in some way, or seriously ticked him off. So, as I was walking through the desert—watching the mirages of large water fountains and a portal home pass me by—I kept wondering to myself… What did I do to deserve a mission like this? I didn't piss him off since I learned—the hard way—not to tell him that he needs to get laid or something. That little comment got me missions in Aquatica for the next three weeks. And, guess who just so happened to run into heartless there, and couldn't wield his weapon? Oh, yeah, ME. I always hated that damned Xemnas…

The only reason I decided to stay on this mission and prolong with the kill was because I was assigned this mission with a partner. Who was this partner? Well, he is short, has bright blue eyes and a boyish face, and his sandy-blond spikes just so happened to be sticking to his face because of his sweat. You are a retard if you haven't guessed that I was working with Roxas today. It's actually quite sad, because ever since he had started going on missions around the organization, Roxas and I have barely spoken. We haven't had the time. This sucks, quite a bit, especially since we are supposed to be best friends. So, when I was told that Roxas was going to be coming with me, I decided to procrastinate as much as possible, just so we could spend the day together.

I would be pleased to say that my plan had worked, except Roxas was barely talking. I think the heat was getting to him… He had taken off his jacket and ditched it in the sand about a mile back. If we turned around, we could probably still see it because we were standing atop a large sand dune. But, on top of losing half of his uniform, Roxas was dragging his feet in the sand, trying to conserve as much energy into staying conscious. I ended up putting together the conclusion that he was sitting happily in his 'cool place'. Probably sitting atop the clock tower in Twilight Town, sea-salt ice cream in hand. That's what I was thinking about… And frankly, I was quite satisfied. But what bothered me most was that Roxas wasn't saying anything to me. Yes, it was hot and talking used up energy, but it was also a good distraction. Since he barely said more than ten words to me since the mission started, I was pleasantly surprised when he spoke. "Can't we just attack this stupid thing and get it over with? I think it is dying of heat stroke or something, just like we—or, I—am. I don't know how you can stand this heat, Axel. You look cool as a cucumber!"

"A cucumber?" I asked, a wicked grin slowly creeping onto my face. "Seriously, Roxas. They're _so_ not cool." I received a very heated glare at this sarcastic comment. I found myself wanting to laugh. Why? Because Roxas was trying to be threatening. Quite frankly, Roxas was as threatening as a teddy bear holding a marshmallow cannon. Adorably sweet. Luckily for me, I didn't laugh though. Just because he didn't' seem dangerous didn't mean he wouldn't give me some major bruises. "No, Roxas…" I said, much more seriously this time. "We can't just slaughter the thing. I thought you were warned not to just cut corners."

"I was." Roxas said, his tone suddenly defensive. "But if we don't get out of this heat, I'm going to pass out."

I had to admit, the boy had a point. He looked as if he were going to collapse onto the sand at any moment. And this caused me to think… Did I seriously look cool as a cucumber? And, was that Roxas' way of saying that I was cool, or that he was attracted to me? Oh, great, there goes my ego again… Always running wild during serious situations like this. But, I made a mental note to ask Roxas about it later. I bet he does find me incredibly awesome-looking. Hell, doesn't everyone? "Well, what would we tell Xemnas? We can't just kill it with no explanation. He definitely wouldn't like it."

And again, I received an extra special glare. Poor little Roxas didn't like to think when he was under pressure from the heat, trying to stay conscious. "We'll figure it out later." He said through gritted teeth. Since I could see how desperately Roxas wanted to get out of the sun, I agreed.

Amazingly, it only took us about an hour to take down the heartless and make up some excuse as to why it was there. We ended up writing down that Maleficent sent him to go looking for Jafar, whose lamp was plopped in the middle of one of the many deserts, and the heartless wasn't sure which one. The excuse sounded legit enough, so we didn't bother changing it.

After that hour, however, I started to get worried. What if Roxas just wanted to get out of Agrabah? Report home and then get split up again? We barely got to do any catching up on this mission, and I wanted to spend the rest of my day with Roxas… When he offered to slack off for the rest of the day, and just hang around Agrabah, I couldn't help but smile. He obviously wanted to spend the day with me, too.

So we ended to trespassing on the palace grounds, sitting on the edge of some fountain, soaking our feet in the clean, crystalline water. I was telling Roxas the dos and don'ts of the organization and it's members… Who is 100% trustworthy, who you shouldn't look at without fear, and certain tidbits of information that he wouldn't survive long without.

Stuff like… Not stealing Zexion's Lexicon, no matter how much you want to read what is inside. Or, more importantly, to _never _tell Larxene that her hair makes her look like a bug. I just hope that he takes me seriously… I've done almost everything in the book to test and stretch the limits of the other members' patience… Once, I pissed Larxene off so badly that she sent lightning after me every time I walked into the same room as her. The first time I was hit was the last, but I still sometimes get shocked from it.

When I finished giving him all of my incredible words of wisdom, he simply sat there for a few seconds, letting it all sink in. The way he was sitting, completely motionless, it made me want to take a picture of him. It wasn't often that I caught Roxas actually processing information, or thinking at all. "You're missing someone." He said quietly, peeling his eyes away from the water to look up at me.

This is when I started to doubt Roxas' listening ability. I didn't miss a single person. I narrowed my acidic green eyes at him in confusion. I even tilted my head to the side a little! Want to know what he did? He laughed at me. Yeah, the little bugger laughed at me! "Who did I miss, then, Smart-Alec? Hmm?"

Roxas stopped laughing after a few seconds, turning his sky blue eyes on me. "You completely forgot to tell me about yourself. What makes you angry? How far do your limits stretch before you go crazy? Can I trust you 100%?"

Okay, I guess I did miss someone. I suddenly felt incredibly stupid for letting myself skip over the most important person in the whole organization! Well, nobody else in the organization shares that opinion, but I think it's true, and my opinion is the most important… Just don't tell Xemnas I said that, he'd have my coat. "In all honesty, there isn't much to say." I replied. It was true. I didn't have much of a past, so there wasn't much to tell that Roxas didn't already know from our previous conversations. "And, I highly doubt that anything you could do would make me angry, so my limits with you are pretty high. As for trust, I see no reason why you can't trust me. I'm probably the one person you can go to who you can trust, who will understand everything you're talking about…"

Maybe I shouldn't have told Roxas that he couldn't make me angry. As soon as I did, he had a thoughtful look on his face… I had to admit, I was a little scared. Roxas was devious when he wanted to be. But that's when his expression faded into one of confusion. I was confused again. So, feeling suddenly stupid, I crossed my arms over his chest. "What now?"

Roxas pointed to something behind me, but I highly doubted that there was anything actually there. The second I looked he was going to splash me with water, or portal my boots to some distant world or something. I thought this, at least, until he simply said one word, which was so absolutely insane that I had to look; "Chicken."

Sure as hell, a chicken was running towards us from the main gate of the garden, it's wings flailing and feathers were flying all around it. It was making those fairly annoying sounds that chickens make, the ones that I'm not even going to try and spell out. But, you know the ones, I'm sure. About three seconds later, a fat little merchant came running in after the chicken, a meat cleaver held high in his hands. He looked over at Roxas and me, and then pointed towards the chicken. "Stop him!"

So, that's what I did. I snapped, and instantly, a wall of fire erupted around the chicken. It let out a small, annoying little chicken scream that pierced my ears, causing me to flinch a little. I think I burnt the little guy. At least I know now that he would be extra crispy, since my flames can't exactly be controlled once they are let loose. "A-Axel…" Roxas said slowly. I watched as he jumped out of the fountain and grabbed his boots, slowly stepping backwards, away from me. Though, his eyes weren't on me, but on the fire raging behind me. I turned to look, only to see the chicken flying, its little wings flapping desperately to keep him above the flames. But, something was a little off about this chicken… Not just the fact that his tail was on fire. He was looking directly at me, in a very chicken-like glare. This caused me to jump out of the fountain as well and scoop up my own boots. I have never been known to be afraid of anything, but if you would have seen this chicken, you would be scared too.

The way that the fire was raging under the chicken was lighting it up in such a way that it looked devastatingly evil. Its beak-thing caused a shadow to cover its face, erasing the light from it… All except the eyes, where the fire was so clearly reflected. It may just be my imagination, but still, this chicken was just shot out of hell. "Let's get out of here!" I shouted, turning around just in time to see Roxas creating a portal. Where it would lead us too, I had no idea, but as long as I got away from that damned flaming chicken, I didn't care. He vanished through it, and, with one last look at the demonic foul, I followed him.

Guess what, everyone? The damned thing jumped into the swirling darkness portal after us! I stopped and turned around while we were crossing paths, fully expecting the darkness to swallow it, never giving us the _pleasure _of being seen with it ever again. There was only one problem with that little situation; it didn't vanish. The darkness didn't swallow it. As soon as he bird realized this, he too decided to get smart. He flapped his wings, which picked him up into the air, and he shot towards Roxas and me as if he were meant to kill. "Since when do chickens fly?!" Roxas asked hurriedly. I turned around to answer him, but he was already turned, running towards the exit to the darkness.

I followed, deciding to clearly express my opinion. "You can do anything when you're pissed off, Roxas!" He dived through the portal, and I followed. I emerged, just in time to execute a perfect ninja-roll and jump back onto my feet. Roxas just stared at me in astonishment, as if he were amazed that I could perform such a feat. Honestly, I was shocked, too. I just ended up smirking smugly as if I meant to do it he whole time. "Betcha didn't expect _that_ from me!"

And I was right. Roxas—still in an utter state of shock—just shook his head. Needless to say, I felt like a ninja. Especially when I threw my arms back and hit something with my hand. The next thing I know, I hear an angry 'BAK-AWWWWK!' and then a soft thud on the ground behind me. I turned around, only to see the demon chicken, his tail still flaming, crumpled on the ground. Until it jumped up and started pecking at my feet. I kicked it and turned on a dime, grabbing Roxas' wrist and running as fast as my legs would take me.

But, that's when I realized… Roxas had taken us to Twilight Town. How did I just notice this now? Because I was looking where I was going now, instead of down at myself after my epic ninja moves. The all buildings in Twilight Town were just a simple test, trying to see whether I knew enough about the city to make it through in one piece and to see if I could lose the chicken that wad still 'bawkkkkk'ing behind us.

We received quite a few weird looks from civilians, but Roxas and I just ran. Wouldn't you, if a demonic chicken was chasing after you? We ended up making it to Market Street, and because I didn't hear the chicken any longer, I stopped running, turning to see if I could see it… Just in time to watch it slowly walking across the street. Roxas looked, too, and just started laughing. Did I see the humour I the situation? No, which is why I shot the blond a weird look. He just pointed at the chicken, and between gasps and fits of laughter said; "The chicken is crossing the road… We finally know why!"

After another few seconds of laughing at the irony of a chicken chasing us down the road, we just ran for a few minutes and lost it in the streets somewhere, then I bough Roxas and I some ice cream. Altogether, I think that it was a fairly productive day. I ended up spending the whole day with Roxas after finishing a mission with him, being chased by a chicken and after of all of that, we grew just that much closer.

In closing, I learned not only that chickens really do cross he road, but they only do so to get revenge on you when you set their tails on fire… I don't suggest you try this at home. It's scary as hell!

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There, this chapter was much longer. Hopefully much better than the last one. I hope you all enjoyed it.  
Review and tell me what you think, and, if you want, Axel could answer some of your questions.

Next chapter: Why is the sky blue?


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